Because We Can

Notes to self from the last two weeks:

a) Avoid freaking out random members of the public.

b) A cure for “Grumpy As All Hell Four Year Old at 6am” is a pre-breakfast.

c) Don't facilitate your child learning to read if you want to continue to spell things out between yourselves without said child understanding.

One of the reasons I started this blog was the fact that I'm a lot better at explaining myself in writing than I am speaking face to face. Seriously – put on the spot and I have all the verbal finesse of, to quote Blackadder, a jugged walrus.

Take the following exchange in the hairdressers. Popped in quickly on the way to taking Elizabeth to ballet to make myself an appointment to get the mop shorn again, and ended up accidentally outing myself.

Me (To my hairdresser): “How are things with you guys? Hope the new term is going well.”

Hairdresser: “Great, thanks!”

Random Woman: “Which school does your little girl go to?”

Me: “She's not at school.”

Random Woman: “Well which school will she be going to?”

Me: (Very Brightly): “Well we're homeschooling at the moment, so she might not end up going to school at all!”

*General shocked silence*

It usually stops after the first question; people assume she's at nursery or preschool and I just smile and nod and change the subject. Random members of the public are usually just a) making polite conversation or b) being nosey, and in neither case do I see any point in shattering their world view. I admit in this case there was a split second where it could have gone either way. Instead of declaring all I could have quite easily instead named a local school, listed a whole host of reasons for why we chose it, and lied my head off. I refer you back to my previous comment about that walrus. Ah well.

One of the first questions people tend to ask when they find out we're homeschooling is “Are you allowed to do that?”

The short answer is Yes!

The education act of 1996 has the following to say on the subject:

"The parent of every child of compulsory school age shall cause him to receive efficient full-time education suitable ;

a) to his age, ability, and aptitude, and

b) to any special educational needs he may have,

either by regular attendance at school or otherwise."

It's that little but all important word “otherwise” that means we are perfectly within our rights to educate our children at home. We like that word :)

The majority of people simply don't know that educating their children outside of a school setting is an option.

Another one that comes up regularly is “How will they socialise?”

Firstly, there seems to be a general confusion between socialisation and socialising. The first can refer to “the adoption of the behaviour patterns of the surrounding culture; the socialization of children to the norms of their culture".

Children have their first lessons in how to interact with others in a socially acceptable fashion from their parents. As they grow this extends to the people they meet on a day to day basis. At Reception age (four to five years old) children are still in the process of working all of this out. How to talk to people. How to form friendships. How to express themselves clearly. How to deal with problems constructively. What to do when someone upsets them. To me it makes more sense to expose them to people who have already worked out the answers to these questions (or are at least a bit further along the path) than it does to place them with 30 or so other children who are all at the “What the heck is this all about???” stage. Don't get me wrong, children benefit a lot from mixing with their peers. But throwing them all together and leaving them to work it out in a law of the jungle kind of way doesn't make a great deal of sense to me.

It's a bit like learning a new language. Imagine you are moving to France and want to be able to communicate with people. You have two options. You can go to a class to learn French, or you can go into the community you will be a part of and absorb the language and customs through your everyday life. There's nothing wrong with the first approach; on the contrary, it can be very successful. However, it doesn't suit everyone - think for a start of how many people you know who are adamant that “book learning” isn't for them, or of your own experiences learning a new skill or subject. There are many many ways to learn, and, for me, exposure to and participation in society is the best way to prepare our children to live in it.

Then you have socialising, or “to take part in social activities; interact with others”. One of the great concerns people have where home education is concerned is that children will end up bored and lonely with no friends to spend their time with. It's an understandable concern; it was one of my big worries when we first started looking into home ed as an option. I remember expressing my concern online to a group of seasoned home schoolers; they told me not to worry and they were right. We see other people every day. In fact we're in the position where we have too many people to see and things to do each week that we end up turning down invitations because there aren't enough hours to do it all!

It's not about quantity though. Yes, at school they would be exposed to a huge number of children each day. But think back to your own school days. Did you have 30 or so very close friends, or a smaller handful of close, treasured ones and then a lot of passing acquaintances? Like any mum, it is important to me that my children are able to make meaningful, long-lasting connections. Yes, you can do that in a school setting. But it isn't the only way.

EB currently has three friends in particular who mean a lot to her. They are eight, four and three years old. She also has a close bond with a thirteen year old from our church and several of the grown ups there. There are several other children who she gets on well with who we also see on a regular basis. They bond through shared experiences, days out, interests they share in common. We arrange meet ups in the park, visits to museums and places of interest, visits to each others' houses. Some weeks we see everyone we know and then some, others we have a quieter time and spend more time at home or by ourselves. We also feel it's important that EB has a say in what we do and who we see so she is actively involved in the decision making process as, to a lesser extent, is AJ. As adults we don't always want to be around people all the time, and the same is true of children.

Through such a varied friendship group she's not only exposed to a wide range of ages and personalities, she also experiences a number of different roles within each group that she is part of. Sometimes she climbs and runs and gets covered in mud, at others she sits and giggles and tells stories. Sometimes she's the responsible one, sometimes she's the baby of the group. This too reflects “Real” life, and is, for me, one of the big benefits of educating at home.

The two children AJ likes to spend time with most (and the first “friends” he's chosen himself) are four and three years old; he asks in the morning if we are going to see them, he gets so excited when we meet up, they mean something to him and are part of his world. Kids his own age, he's not too certain about. They push, they take things, they are unpredictable. He pushes and takes things and is unpredictable too. But the older children he mixes with make allowances for this; they also show him other ways to deal with his impulses and desires. In turn, the older children learn how to deal with someone younger than themselves, how to set an example, responsibility.

Above all, and for me, most importantly, they have such a great time playing together!